Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults

As a child, you develop attachments with your caregivers — typically your parents. You form different attachment styles depending on the type of care and attention you receive. 

In a perfect world, all children would have a secure attachment with their caregivers. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. Some children experience abuse and neglect and aren’t able to develop secure bonds with the people who are supposed to care for them. 

When a caregiver doesn’t meet your needs as a child, especially when it comes to safety and support, it’s considered attachment trauma. This isn’t always because of some kind of intentional abuse or neglect. Attachment trauma can occur due to a divorce, death, or other external circumstances. 

But, when these types of trauma occur, it can leave a child feeling alone in the world. Those feelings can linger into adulthood, and though you might not remember what happened in childhood, certain signs of attachment trauma can indicate you haven’t fully processed it. 

Here are a few signs you could be struggling with attachment trauma.

Closeness Issues With Others

Some adults with attachment issues have difficulty getting close to others. They might have difficulties in relationships because they don’t trust anyone. They have a hard time opening up and showing vulnerability because they don’t want to get hurt. 

It’s also not uncommon for adults who have experienced attachment trauma to be hyper-independent. When you learn from a young age that you’re “on your own,” you carry that idea with you into adulthood. So, you might not feel comfortable in friendships or relationships where the other person wants to show they care or take some of your burdens off of your shoulders. 

Alternatively, some people with attachment trauma have a strong desire to be close to others. So much so that it becomes an overbearing need and eventually drives people away. For example, if you’re in a relationship with someone and you want to spend all of your time with them, communicating with them to the point where they never have a minute to themselves could end up causing more harm than good. 

Relationships Are Black and White

Most adults who are dealing with attachment trauma look at romantic relationships as solely black and white. There is no middle ground. Everything is either all good or all bad. 

Obviously, that’s not the reality when it comes to most relationships. There can be so much gray area, especially if you’re in a disagreement or conflicted about something. That doesn’t mean the relationship is “all bad,” but it can make you feel like it could come to an end soon because you can’t imagine seeing a positive side to it. 

Questioning Your Self-Worth

One of the most unfortunate signs of attachment trauma is a lack of self-worth. You might not think very highly of yourself, and you might tend to feel guilty about things that aren’t your fault. 

These ideas stem back to childhood, even if you don’t always realize that. You might think you weren’t good enough to receive the care you deserved, so you project those feelings onto your relationships today. 

Unfortunately, that can lead to harmful relationships, where you’re easily controlled or manipulated by a partner because you somehow think you deserve it. 

While the signs of attachment trauma can feel overwhelming, you don’t have to deal with them forever. It’s never too late to get the treatment you need, even if you’re dealing with attachment issues from childhood. Your trauma doesn’t define you or your future. Feel free to reach out today to set up an appointment, and let’s start processing these experiences.

Are you interested in meeting with a therapist at Essential Insights Counseling Center to begin your healing journey? Call us at 781-693-3200 or schedule your free phone consultation online today!